Just to vent…

Nothing stresses me out more than money… Especially people taking my money. So when I logged onto my bank acct and saw a much lower balance than I expected, my heart stopped. Upon closer inspection my bank had assigned $140 in overdraft charges. FOR WHAT?! I caught myself screaming… Upon even closer inspection, it was for nothing. My bank account had not gone negative, not one single time. And I am being charged 5 overdraft fees?!?! If I wanted to spend $140, I could have found LOTS of ways to do it, a payment to my bank for nothing is not one of them. So I made a call… Very mad. Ready to switch banks. Again. But I calmly say “Yes maam, I was just charged $140 in OD fees. Can you tell me what those charges are for?” So after the exchange of lots of personal information to verify that I was not calling pissed that someone else’s account had been charged $140 in insane charges, she begins to look. And look. And a few moments into her looking she responds, “Do you mind if I put you on hold for a moment?” “Of course,” I respond, knowing that this is a good sign. Several minutes pass before she comes back on. Finally she picks up and says that the charges that were assigned the fees were a $40 ATM withdrawal, a $5 debt, a $7 debit, and a few other very small charges(as she reads them off I am adding up what each item ended up costing). She states that none of these charges ever made the account go negative, (really?! As if this was news to me…). She then gives some explanation for the error such as “a merchant may have double charged, or over charged, or a larger amount was being held at the time the charges were made and since then that charge has “fallen off” as they call it. So what she can do is refund the amount to my account for me. AS IF SHE IS DOING ME A FAVOR… To which I reply “Yes. Please do. Thank you.” Both she and I know that her excuse is lame. I can log on and see holds on my account that have not yet gone through. I know exactly how much I am being charged by each merchant. I have seen merchants double charge on accident to my account before. I have also seen my bank catch that error immediately. I actually had a merchants refund go through and post on my account BEFORE these charges were made, and the refund alone was enough to cover all the charges… And, no, those were the only pending charges. There was nothing “larger” that fell off. But, maybe it was an honest mistake. A computer glitch, we shall say. After all, nothing is error proof. All I know is when an error is made in my favor it is quickly caught by them. When it’s made in their favor, it would go totally unnoticed. Such as the time that they deposited our paycheck in the “wrong account.” Oh, wait- that happened twice. And one of the times, they couldn’t find what account it had been put into until Monday. They weren’t even sure of who had deposited it and seemed slightly panicked. “What is the name of the teller on your slip? What branch was it?!” I could hear the worry in their voices… “I will not be charged any OD fee for any charge if my account goes negative while you find my check, and I will be paying bills and shopping this weekend,” was my warning that time. And they did refund any fees that I got that weekend. And there was the time that they forgot to give me my cash back that I requested when I made my deposit. I noticed it several hours later. They did that to my mom too… There are other things that they have done too. They have just slipped my mind. I log on this am and the $140 charge has gone through. I call again. I am reassured that within 30 minutes I will see the refund. Ugh. When the system works, it works. When it doesn’t, they have control of your money… What can you do?... I almost asked for interest. But since it wouldn’t have been much for them holding $140 for a day I didn’t waste my time… The credit has finally gone through and I feel marginally better. Until the next mistake. All I know is don’t mess with my money. It’s a good way to get me really mad. And if you don’t fix it, my response is always the same “No, thank you. I’ll just wait til my husband gets home and let him handle it. He ALWAYS gets what he wants.” And 9.5 times out of 10, he does… ;)

The definition of a nursing student...

So today was it. The last day of our first semester of clinicals. And I am totally and completely exhausted. It's been a really, really long last two weeks. A lot of nights spent working into the morning and mornings that happened well before the sun came up, and I am tired. But we have all survived. I am a little disappointed that I don't feel more successful by today's great milestone... But I am left feeling like I don't know exactly where I stand, in my instructors eyes anyway. And that's what matters. Evaluations will be next week, and that will be interesting. I don't know how it will go. I actually got the closest thing to a complement that she will ever give last Friday, and even that was riddled with the long lists of things that we did wrong or still need to work on. And I know, right now we totally suck and really don't have anything positive to comment on but the criticism and lack of any positive words has finally worn thin my people-pleasing personality. And though I roll with the punches and can actually take criticism much better than most, 15 weeks of it has worn me out. I am ready for it to be over. Ready for the summer and much needed break. Just ready to enjoy my family, have some fun, and relax and recoup before we start round two in the fall. It is nice to know, however, that my feelings are not at all isolated. They are mutually shared by almost all nursing students, actually. The experience, though new to us, is not really new at all. It’s just part of being a nursing student.
Mikki Smith, SN ECC1 (almost ECC2…)

The trials that didn't kill us...yet.

I haven't been on much. Obviously. A lack of time or shortage of patience has kept me from it I think. But finally I stand nearing the end of another school year and I am overjoyed. I can count the number of clinicals left this semester on 3 fingers. Yes, 3. And though that is bitter-sweet in its self, next semester I going to be where my heart is- pediatrics. This semester, however, I have had the opportunity to get to know 9 totally amazing nursing students who I now call friends. I have also been blessed by so many incredible patients who have done far more for me than I could ever do for them and I have found myself so in love with the patient care aspect of clinicals that I am blown away. Not only are they patients, they are also vets. Old and young, male and female, and it has been an honor to give back and a joy to hear their stories. But the beginning of the year got of to a rough start. We were hit with trials from all sides that we could have never seen coming. And we survived... To this point anyway. And as bad as it was or seemed, we were always able to see how things could have been so much worse and how we had really been spared. Several surgeries, 8 weeks with no work, a lost job, full time nursing school, and a new job later, we are still standing. Most of the questions we had about resources to keep us floating the ability to do what needed to be done have been answered. And who would have thought the entire process would place the job that Justin has been after for several years directly in his lap?... I was (once again) reminded of a few things that I believe 100%: Easy doesn’t = good. Things can change real quick. Stability is a mirage. Job security doesn't exist. People change. Often blessings are disguised in disappointment. Death, and life, often happen when you least expect it. Life is but a vapor; the impact of that life can span generations. Some of the best gifts you could ever possibly get are ones you thought you didn't want. Unanswered prayers actually aren't unanswered. Sometimes where you need to be resembles somewhere you don't want to go... until you get there. God is the only Constant. Anyway- I felt like I needed to post an update before my next post which will probably be later today if all goes as planned... :)

"Here we go..."

We are now two days into the New Year. To me this means that we are also 16 days away from the start of my first semester of nursing school. That thought makes me sick. Literally. I have made myself sick for the last two days. My blood pressure has been high- I can feel it... I have had an AWFUL headache. I have been dizzy. But mostly I have been nervous. For two days straight. Dramatic? Yes. I can be from time to time… But mostly it’s the fearing what I don’t know that gets me. I know my schedule. I even know the instructor that I will have for clinical (which makes me feel better even though I once referred to her as “evil in human form” after our last check off in my summer class). Today I finally had enough, though. I can’t stay sick. I can do this. ~Deep breath~ After all- they make these classes challenging, not un-passable , right? So I took a hot bath, looked up my classes and books and syllabus online and then relaxed. I still don’t know how I will pay for everything this semester. I don’t know how I will afford health insurance. I don’t know how I am going to keep my house clean, workout, do chores, and be a good mom, wife, and student. I don’t know when my packet will come in so I can get it filled out and sent back in. I do know that I have the next two weeks and two days to make sure I have everything in order, while everyone else has had the last two months to get it all done. But I also know that I am here, exactly where I am supposta be; where God put me. And since he put me here, he will give me everything that I need. I just have to trust and be flexible. It has all worked out up to this point, although not in the time frame that I had planned, but in Gods. And I don’t know why God made this process happen the way He did, but I appreciate it, and I am looking for the lesson in it because there always is one. So while today is full of more questions than answers, I am going to relax and just trust. I know where I am, and I know I am where I need to be, when I need to be. All the rest will work it’s self out, and it will all be ok.

2011 and all of it's changes...

New years always bring new goals, resolutions, and plans for most people. For me it's nursing school- which means a whole new life from here on out. I had actually been looking forward to the spring semester because the plan was for it to consist of one 4 hour class. A class that I had already taken. Then the phone rang. It was the head of admissions for the nursing program that I had applied to in the summer. I had been turned down in October. A nice letter that read something along the lines of "Thank you for applying...but you weren't one of the top 100," kinda thing came and gone were my hopes of nursing school for another year. Until the call came. I was next on the list. Some girl didn't show up for orientation and she was out. I was in...if I wanted to be. And I did, though maybe not at first. I accepted the spot that I had wanted so badly for so long, knowing that after I quit shaking and my head stopped spinning, I would want it again. So now I am in. And I am not sure what all that means but I know it means a lot of changes. Scary changes. Obstacles and challenges to work through, but good is never easy anyway. Since writing is my therapy I am going to attempt to blog my way through it all- ups and downs and in betweens. Usually I hate complaining...but I can't promise that I wont on here- since I have already stated that writing is my therapy. I may vent a lot, actually. So don't get the wrong picture of me, but I am where I am, so if you can handle wherever that is each time I post you are free to follow me along the way. Good bye 2010, and thanks for being nicer to me than the few before you.