Confessions…
(and a few of my pet peeves…)
I am married to an extremist. And for those of you that know my husband that statement comes as no surprise. Yes, it’s true, very, very true. No matter what the situation, his views and opinions will be totally extreme. Rarely is he ever “neutral”. It just doesn’t happen. I was recently asked if he was “hard to live with,” to which I laughed a genuine laugh and gave a very sincere answer, “for anyone else yes, but not for me. We pretty well see eye to eye on most things.” In total honesty we share most of the same feelings and beliefs. Almost 100%. And about 90% of the time he says exactly what I am thinking, I’m just smart enough to keep it in my head… That’s our one main difference and the one thing that keeps me from the label of “extremist.” He will gladly jump in a conversation, share his thoughts, feelings, or convictions, and defend them to the death (and be very surprised when people think his stance is extreme), I on the other hand usually don’t. And if I do, I understand that most of society will not agree with my ideology and may think I am crazy after. But his passion, as I like to call it, is one of the things that I love most. And his ability to jump out into something and be willing to sink with the ship when it doesn’t go his way. It’s not that I never do or am unwilling to however; it’s that he feels really passionately no less than 75% of the time towards things in life, and I feel passionately about 25% of the time. But there are a handful of topics that I do openly consider myself to be an extremist towards, and it is my goal to tackle at least a few of them here… So I will start with this one, for no other reason than it’s just the topic that has been on my mind the most lately.
(and a few of my pet peeves…)
I am married to an extremist. And for those of you that know my husband that statement comes as no surprise. Yes, it’s true, very, very true. No matter what the situation, his views and opinions will be totally extreme. Rarely is he ever “neutral”. It just doesn’t happen. I was recently asked if he was “hard to live with,” to which I laughed a genuine laugh and gave a very sincere answer, “for anyone else yes, but not for me. We pretty well see eye to eye on most things.” In total honesty we share most of the same feelings and beliefs. Almost 100%. And about 90% of the time he says exactly what I am thinking, I’m just smart enough to keep it in my head… That’s our one main difference and the one thing that keeps me from the label of “extremist.” He will gladly jump in a conversation, share his thoughts, feelings, or convictions, and defend them to the death (and be very surprised when people think his stance is extreme), I on the other hand usually don’t. And if I do, I understand that most of society will not agree with my ideology and may think I am crazy after. But his passion, as I like to call it, is one of the things that I love most. And his ability to jump out into something and be willing to sink with the ship when it doesn’t go his way. It’s not that I never do or am unwilling to however; it’s that he feels really passionately no less than 75% of the time towards things in life, and I feel passionately about 25% of the time. But there are a handful of topics that I do openly consider myself to be an extremist towards, and it is my goal to tackle at least a few of them here… So I will start with this one, for no other reason than it’s just the topic that has been on my mind the most lately.
When did women decide to rule the world? Whose idea was it that equality was something that women were entitled to? And in all actuality was it ever really about being considered “equal to”, or was it always honestly about getting a step up and finding a way to be “greater than?” Before you start- those are all purely rhetorical questions. I know the answers and could pick any of those points up one side and down the other (just ask my professors, who know that I am extreme on this topic.) But those really aren’t what I intend to hit on, but more of an opener to my main thought. And let me preface this. I am talking to Christian women, not to all of society. This just doesn’t apply to everyone, (although it should!) so I am just picking out those whom it does apply to and calling them out.
Why do we not let our men be men?
Why do we feel the need to take that away from them? I see it all the time. Women running the house hold, taking charge, and making decisions like they rule the roost. Often they cut their “man” down at every opportunity (usually unintentionally and totally unknowingly), making all the decisions and setting the rules. You can usually tell when a man is in this type of relationship as soon as you meet him, too. The fact that his manhood has been stripped is so obvious that other men (and some women) are embarrassed for him. He usually walks a little “shrug shouldered” and can never answer a question without assistance from his wife. I’m not talking about the “let me check with the wife and make sure we don’t have anything going on” response here, I’m talking about the “You gotta ask my wife…” response. That’s the one that says “I need her permission and/or approval and am deferring that task to you”. I am in no way here advocating for abuse of power or implying that the husband should lack concern for his wife, so don’t take this post out of contest. I am not abused, run over, or mistreated; I just recognize God’s call for my husband to be a man, my husband’s need to be a man, and my need for my husband to be a man. What a thought... I need for my husband to be a man and so does he. The best advice that I ever got was given right before we got married. It came from people who had our best interest at heart. From people who were not scared to tell it the way it needed to be told. Though it seemed harsh at the time it was wrapped in love and Biblical truth. “God says your husband is to be the head,” I was told. “You don’t have to like his decisions or agree with them, but you have to respect them and honor him. You pray for him and when (not if) he is wrong, let him be wrong. God will deal with that. And never tell him ‘I told you so’ when he is.” And she was so, so, very right. I didn’t like it, especially at first. I may have even resented it, but I always tried to let him be a man. I didn’t have to like it, I just had to do it. I think when I quit fighting it so hard, God took over and it became much, much easier. Now it’s the way I prefer. I won’t stand here and say that I do it perfectly 100% of the time. I am not God, and I am not perfect. I do understand the blessing of doing it though, and it is great. I am thankful to be free of the responsibility he has; God really did know what he was doing when he gave that responsibility to man and it’s really sad and puzzling as to why women fight so hard to take it away and carry it themselves. And it’s not very becoming or ladylike either… I have heard women say “I have tried to let him be a man and he just won’t, so I have to take over!” Don’t. Just don’t. For some men it’s just easier for them to let the women run it. DON’T LET THEM DO THAT. It’s not biblical and it’s just not right. It takes just as much work for a man to be good at being a man as it does for a woman to be good at being a woman. But is there a whole lot in the bible that God tells us to do that is effortless?? I know honor is a word that most people choose to take out of their vows nowadays, but it’s a really, really important one that needs to be there. Our men need our honor and respect and the fact that so many Christian women rule their men is heartbreaking to me. Do we really need to wonder why the divorce rate is soaring?? You may not like this post. That doesn’t bother me, because you have to take it up with God. This isn’t something I dreamed up on my own. I know that I used honor and respect and husbands in the same sentence and that makes most people cringe, but it really shouldn't be taboo. It’s what they deserve, not because they are the perfect Godly husband, but because God gave us imperfect husbands with unique flaws and told us to honor and respect them anyway. And you don’t have to like it; you just have to do it.
So women, stand up for your men. Let them be men, and if you make it a habit of keeping their manhood in your purse, give it back and let them keep it. (This is my blog and I can say that. I actually paraphrased it nicely I thought. )
…Not because I am perfect, but because learning from others is much better than learning the hard way.
