I am a bad blogger, I know. My last post was sometime in March, and in the world of bloggers that does move me down on the list of people to follow. I write far more posts in my head that never make on to here, as I have yet to figure out how to link the two without physically having to sit down and do the typing part... Anyway. Onto my post.
Ten Years in Retrospect...
So, to be honest, it's not quite the 10 year mark. But seeing as we are two weeks away from our ten year anniversary (and the start of my final semester of nursing school), I thought I'd start working on this now. I have actually looked forward to this year as it marked those two very special events, our 10th anniversary, and going from Mikki Smith, Student Nurse SII to Mikki Smith, RN.
I will be honest, maybe to a fault here. I have spent quite a bit of time coming up with just the right words for this post, while maintaining a proper, ladylike attitude. I struggle with the difficulty of maintaining the balancing act of saying mostly what needs to be said and less of the things I would like to say with the intent of directing particular arrows at particular targets. *Ah, better already.*
As I look back over the past ten years I am amazed, not by the fact that we are actually standing at the doorstep of the 10 year mark but by the fact that is has gone so crazy-fast and by all the twists and turns that have come along the way. In ten years we have added as many new people to our family as have been taken from it. Some years have been better than others; some were lived, while some were only survived. I remember sitting and having a conversation with one of the several VIP's in our life. I don't remember which year of marriage he was on at that point but it far surpassed where we were. "Year 1 was good, I think 2 and 3 were okay. But that year 5 was a hard one! That was one I wouldn't want to re-do," he stated. I don't know what took place during that year, or maybe I just don't remember, but when we encountered our own hard years that conversation always came to mind and still makes me smile. Ten years of marriage allowed for alotta good and plenty of not so good. But then again, I knew what I was signing up for when I signed the line on the fancy paper inside the courthouse. And I have never had the false expectation that good things "happen" instead of being made. I did, however, marry my best friend. And when I say that, I mean that. I hear a lot of people use that term loosely, or at least so I feel. I hear people talk about needing "time away" from their spouse and that is something that even after 10 years of marriage, I just don't understand... My husband is the one person that I don't have to explain much to. He can watch my body language and seemingly tap into my thoughts. He knows exactly who I am and loves me in spite of a lot of flaws. He is one of few people that I can be unapologetically me with, as extreme as that may be at times. I am thankful for who he is and everything we have been given.
I also recognize that God blessed us with a lot of Very Important People, and know that we most certainly wouldn't be where we are with out them. We learned to cling to good advice early in our marriage, and even sought it out when we were in need, even when we didn't like what we were told. Good people who give dependable, Godly advice can be hard to find. Cling to them when you find them. People who chose to invest in who you are personally and as a couple are some of the most important people God will ever give you. These will be the people you run to when life throws you a curve ball. Our people deserve so much more than just a "thank you" for all the times we asked them to drop whatever they were doing because of a need we had. And they would always do just that...We spend a lot of time looking back in amazement and asking each other "how did we get here?!" It was never without God or hard work, and Justin's uncanny ability to get people to take a chance on him always paid off. We look back now and see how God has used all these little stepping stones along the way to get us to where we are. Sometimes it was the smallest or seemingly the most insignificant interactions that led to the next chapter or opportunity. And sometimes it was what appeared to be a devastating ending that led to an awesome beginning that was totally unforeseeable at the time. That being said, hard times will come again; advice will be sought. We will never outgrow struggles or trials. But hopefully we will allow what doesn't kill us to grow us closer.
What I've learned, and it may not be much, but for what it's worth here it is...
Forgive quickly. Ask for forgiveness even more quickly. Get over it and move on. If you are wrong, always apologize. Don't wake up mad- I'm not yet good enough to not go to sleep mad, but if you do make sure you are over it by morning (this goes back to my #3-Get over it and move on.) Always be loving, always. Listen. Few things are really worth fighting over, pick your battles. Because I really don't think this can be said enough, I'll say it again: pick your battles, it's probably not worth it. Let things slide. Remember they are just as human as you- which makes you only as perfect as them. When things are hard don't pray for God to change him, pray for God to change you. Love them just as they are, exactly where they are. Marriage is a partnership, this leaves no room for selfishness. Some people say marriage is 50/50, others say 100/100. Whatever. The truth is sometimes you have to pick up some slack for them and other times they will have to do the same for you. Don't expect it to be equal. And don't ever keep score. Communicate well. Love fully. Let them dream. Know when to shut up. Don't hold them to standards that you yourself could not achieve. Laugh often. Always have his/her back.
Everyone has their own set of love lessons to learn. These were some of mine. We don't have it all figured out. We will learn more, some the hard way and some will hurt. But over the past 10 years we have learned to work well together as a team, to let dumb things slide, and to focus on what really matters. What doesn't matter will disolusion and derail you. Sometimes you have to stop and look at what you have, thank God for what he has given you, appreciate the people who are rooting for you, and acknowledge the hard work that both of you have put in to make things what they are.
This is satisfaction.
10 years and counting.
(Dear nay-sayers, where are you now?!)
